Choices

Whenever I see or hear about my old friends from Accenture and Columbia, and find out about their recent accomplishments, I could not help but think about what could have been.

As you can see, I am a reformed career woman. I used to be very competitive and extremely driven back when I still had a career. It was also a function of my job- I was already a senior executive when I left management consulting, so I have to be on my toes the whole time. But I can't deny that it was really my nature.

I never imagined before that I will eventually make this choice. I am probably the last girl that anyone will pick out to become a stay at home mom in AC, though in business school, I was already on my way to being one. But I did make this choice and I am now a fulltime mommy through and through.

There was a huge disconnect when I graduated from B-School and all I can think about was staying home for Jacob. But I had to try, the looming student loan bills scared me to going back to my consulting career, though it didn't last long.

I am now completely at peace with it. I haven't really worked for 3 years now- I am just the wind now beneath Jef's wings. Up to now, my parents still can't believe I am not working and still has no immediate plans of doing so.

I am just trying to channel my energy towards mommyhood and its related roles like being a Parent Association Co-chair of my sons' school. It is a lot of work, and at the same time, I am also trying to learn and do new things that I have never really done before, like fundraising. It is very challenging specially in this environment, but somebody has to do it.

Sometimes I think about what could have been. But it is fleeting, and brings me back to the fact that I am happy where I am now. Jef supports my choice but I believe what he ultimately wants for me is to be the same old Fern he knew before. She is still in me, just waiting.