Choices

Whenever I see or hear about my old friends from Accenture and Columbia, and find out about their recent accomplishments, I could not help but think about what could have been.

As you can see, I am a reformed career woman. I used to be very competitive and extremely driven back when I still had a career. It was also a function of my job- I was already a senior executive when I left management consulting, so I have to be on my toes the whole time. But I can't deny that it was really my nature.

I never imagined before that I will eventually make this choice. I am probably the last girl that anyone will pick out to become a stay at home mom in AC, though in business school, I was already on my way to being one. But I did make this choice and I am now a fulltime mommy through and through.

There was a huge disconnect when I graduated from B-School and all I can think about was staying home for Jacob. But I had to try, the looming student loan bills scared me to going back to my consulting career, though it didn't last long.

I am now completely at peace with it. I haven't really worked for 3 years now- I am just the wind now beneath Jef's wings. Up to now, my parents still can't believe I am not working and still has no immediate plans of doing so.

I am just trying to channel my energy towards mommyhood and its related roles like being a Parent Association Co-chair of my sons' school. It is a lot of work, and at the same time, I am also trying to learn and do new things that I have never really done before, like fundraising. It is very challenging specially in this environment, but somebody has to do it.

Sometimes I think about what could have been. But it is fleeting, and brings me back to the fact that I am happy where I am now. Jef supports my choice but I believe what he ultimately wants for me is to be the same old Fern he knew before. She is still in me, just waiting.

Mother's Day

One month has almost passed since my last post. Ugghh, I hate this, I certainly don't want this blog (and our still unpublished family website) to end up like my other unfinished projects taking up prime space in our bedroom (in this case, in cyberspace). But being a mommy throws you a lot of curveballs. A lot of people think that being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is easy. Ha! Try doing it yourselves and you'll see how difficult and challenging it is. And you can throw in the most difficult job in the world and still it will not have the same impact. If you fail as a SAHM, then your child is doomed forever. Nah, just kidding- but not really. Not only it is difficult and very challenging, but I always get this nagging feeling to be always at my best, and to give my kids my very best, because they deserve nothing less. You don't doom them forever if you fail or make mistakes, but there's always a chance that it can affect them in a way you didn't imagine.

Yes, it does have a lot of pitfalls but it comes with a lot of gratification. For me, the little moments are the ones that count the most. Whenever my Jacob plants a wet one on my cheek and gives me a big squeeze and a hug, and whenever my little cuddly Joshua leans on me to try to wake me up in the mornings. These are the moments that count.

Getting so sentimental about being a mother? So in the moment.

Happy Mothers' Day to all the mothers out there!

So while we are at it, Happy Mothers' Day, Mommy! I love you and I have always appreciated everything that you've done to all of us. Now I am in the same shoes, I can never imagine how difficult it must have been for you, but you have always made it look so easy.